Familiarizing Thyself with the Word ‘No’

NoYou know what I don’t miss? Driving home from a party two hours away from my house in a mix of groggy, tad tipsy, exhaustion at 4 a.m — or even worse: having to crash on someone’s couch. I now hang my head in shame admitting that I might have put myself and others at risk for the sake of upholding my position as the “loyal and reliable friend.”

[Ed note: I would never, ever get behind the wheel if I was drunk. That’s a “no” in my book.]

But anyway, I’m pushing 30 and the word “no” is becoming just so darn sexy and convenient. I get a thrill every time I get to say it: “Nope, can’t do it.” There are just so many cons to situations that involve leaving my house past 10 p.m.


  1. The egregious activity called getting dressed. Like, why can’t they allow slippers, robes, and bonnets in the club? I’d be there every weekend. Seeing as I rarely ever go out, I’d have to spend hours digging through my closet, trying on clothes that I already know won’t fit. (Work clothes > Club outfits.)
  1. Heels are painful. I’ve mastered the art of busting out a Naomi Campbell walk in 5-inch heels, but should I have to do it if I don’t have to?
  1. It’s late. Seriously, my bedtime is at 10 p.m, maybe 11 if the “Real Housewives of Atlanta” is on. You can’t possibly expect me to get drunk and stay awake for three whole hours.

Some people may call me a prude and that’s totally fine. I’ve reached a point in my life where I realize that time is limited and valuable. More important than the general concept of time is “my time.”

Folks are quit to contribute to the widespread misconception that you’re a “hater” or “not in support” of people if you don’t attend everything they merit worthy of a celebration. Damn that! I’m happy for all the recent graduates, the newlyweds, the mothers and/or fathers-to-be, the people moving to new cities, and those with new jobs. I also reserve my right to express my congrats without forsaken my own comfort and peace.

My mother always told me that it’s impossible to be all things to all people. Sometimes you have to exercise your right to turn down an invitation. If you give all 100% of yourself to other people, then what do you have left for yourself?

Obviously, there are certain exceptions to the rule (i.e. supporting a real friend who has held you down forever), but you should in no way feel guilty about not being up to something.

Coffee aka The Stressed Out Career Woman’s Crack


* Written while downing a cup at 10:29 p.m. Welp * 

I have a confession to make. I drink way more coffee than what should be humanly allowed. I’m not the cute Starbucks Soy-Vanilla-Bean-Chai-Blah-Blah-Blah sipping with a straw type drinker, though I so wish I was. I take my coffee wrong and strong. No seriously, with each overflowing cup of caffeinated pleasure I sink deeper and deeper into the coffee drinkers’ remorse. Oh, you’ve never heard of such a diagnosis? Well, let me be the first to tell you it’s real and it’s bad. There’s the unshakeable self-consciousness that comes along with knowing you’ll never have those Crest commercial pearly whites. Sigh. That’s why MAC’s Ruby Woo lipstick was invented in the first place. With its vision-tricking properties, the dryer-than-concrete blue-based red is a first date essential. Besides, the man for me must love me for my than my teeth, right? Welp.

coffeeaddict Then comes the jitters. The jitters that seem to instantly take hold of your nervous system, making you a multitasking mess. And then once the high comes down you don’t even know how to productively function without your hit. At the start of every week you promise in vain that this will be the week to make a change. Along with waking up an hour earlier to work out, this is the week you commit to breaking free from the charmingly seductive roasted and liquefied beans’ hold. “I will not be a slave to coffee!” you say while avoiding eye contact with every coffee peddler in close proximity. So here’s the deal, Mr. Right: I will probably never get over my coffee addiction. Not until the day they sell it in small digestible tablets, and this is something I’ve come to terms with. Coffee, I love you.


Television-Good-Or-BadI am THANKFUL for fate.
… when I’m being negative, pessimistic, and out of hope, sometimes fate steps in an has its way.
I am THANKFUL for the lessons
… at 28, mistakes were made and rectified, to do better and be better.
I am THANKFUL for stories
… books, songs, movies, and conversations that allow me to step outside of myself and escape self-centered-ness, even if it’s only momentarily
I am THANKFUL for truth
… and being a truthful person, even if that sometimes means enduring pain or being the cause of it
I am THANKFUL for journalism
… because I don’t deserve it.
I am THANKFUL words
… that float up in my headspace, within arm’s reach, exactly when I need it
I am THANKFUL for resilience
… no matter how many times I get knocked down, I always get back up
I am THANKFUL for solitude
…. space where I can be myself freely and do as I please
I am THANKFUL for time
… though it often seems like there is never enough, it’s always there.
I am THANKFUL for mothers
… mine in particular because she is my bestfriend
I am THANKFUL for discernment
… paying attention has saved me a lot of time, heartbreak, and money
I am THANKFUL for eloquence
… in expression
I am THANKFUL for my life
… I cherish it, though it is not mine
I am THANKFUL for music
… sounds, tones, moods, take the form of a person when I’m alone
I am THANKFUL for food
…. obviously
I am THANKFUL for mornings
… and nights
I am THANKFUL for travel
… and patiently waiting on the next journey
I am THANKFUL for friends
… of all kinds
I am THANKFUL for spirituality
… I know there is something out there greater than me
I am THANKFUL for progress
… and growth
I am THANKFUL for instruction
… and learning
I am THANKFUL for connection
…. personal, human, touch
I am THANKFUL for love